so 11 days from now is the 1 year anniversary of one of my good friends deaths he was like a brother to me. Keep that in mind friends at work that Friday night when I'm sad and probably crying that is why.. The neatest thing is it will be a blue moon on that night timed perfect. That night was horrible i cried and cried couldn't eat. Went into work the next day still crying and I was working in frames Angel was nice enough to give me Friday off and we had that Saturday off for labor day.
Another ongoing thing in my life is him...I've tried again to tone down the feelings I have towards him and I can't they surfaced because of my so called friend pursuing him...my psychic told me about this woman for the longest time said it isn't his wife it's someone at work well I had an idea of who it was and sure enough a few nights ago it came to the light. Not only does it make me mad Sheila is upset about it too because we all know her name is no good just HOE. She's jealous of me and it's sickening. did I mention she's my neighbor? blah whatever... but on the bright side I have a happily ever after time outcome coming from this damn situation that keeps dragging on. I have to show him I care about his life and his feelings I have to open up. I asked her what to do she told me... so I can move things along between us...
I keep blaming myself for him being upset even though I know I shouldn't...he's only staying with his wife out of respect the marriage is dead. She sees us going out in a few weeks idk if that will really happen and if it does guess I'll be the one asking...
It all boils down to this friends I need some fucking lady balls.. they are on my chest but it's not giving me the courage I need. I feel like the cowardly lion trying to run from my problems but in reality I realize finally it isn't helping what good is it coming home bawling my eyes out because I'm just waiting for him to make a move when I know it isn't gonna happen because he doesn't know I have feelings for him back he thinks oh she doesn't like me that way there's no way possible we'd ever be together. WELL HE JUST NEEDS TO KNOW HOW WRONG HE IS. This man is the only reason I get up everyday to say hey I need to go to work. He's one of the reasons I stay there and put up with bs.
The only thing I can do from hear on is make steps forward and I've been saying this for a while but dammit Mesha do it! and do it with confidence don't care what she thinks if you lose your friendship at least it was worth it!
It's 2012 a new year a new start! I hope so! I have gotten myself into an emotional mess I have the hots for my former supervisor. I've known him for going on two years in fact I knew him before he was even a manager. He's a really nice guy we are friends but ever since we've started the whole flirting game our friendship has become extremely awkward! He goes out of his way to come talk to me even though I'm like 10 feet off the ground and he does it more than once. I catch him staring at me a lot and when I do he snaps his neck back forward to try and hide the fact he was staring at me. We also have our own little moments when no one else is looking like the other day he was behind the towers and I watched him put his lab coat back on gave him a smile he smiled real big back and I walked off continuing the smile over my shoulder to keep him guessing. We are definitely playing with fire though for sure. Also little things like when I walk by him sometimes I smile at him he will smile at me back and lip sync hey to me I almost melt every time. Not many people know what goes on between me and him I don't want rumors. I only have told a couple people one of them works with me but the others don't. I am trying to keep it on the low.
I am just going to wait and see how everything plays out between me and him. I mean we can't both play with fire we'll only get burned right and especially since I'm engaged he's married. You know though stuff like that happens everyday work is actually one of the biggest places for affairs. I'm not saying I will go through anything with him but I can't promise anything either. He has my heart in the palm of my hands he can crush it if he wants. me and him were both in a pissy mood the other night and I think it was about the same thing either it's because we can't further our relationship or it's because we both are confused about how the other feels lol. I am also proud of myself because I haven't been blushing as much when I talk to him. In fact I have complimented him twice. I am proud of myself and i like seeing that handsome smile spread across his face too.
I will update in the coming weeks even though I think me and him may take a break from the flirting but we usually don't for long one of us cracks and starts it over. I also don't know when I fell for him I'd say at least 6-7 months ago. I had a crush on him longer but really fell for him when he started acting like he felt the same way.
Why has 2011 sucked so much? I've had two friends pass away. My relationship is going to shit. I get so tired of trying to stay strong. Deep inside I'm always hurting and idk what to do anymore. I guess continue living my life this way. Maybe something better will come along I don't know.... I get so sick and tired of him talking down to me like I'm a nobody just because he wants it his way. He is really starting to get to me. I am done with men they piss me off.
Everything sucks right now. I guess it could be worse. I could be without a job.,I could be without a roof over my head,and I could be without food.
Still what did I do to deserve this?
- Music:Losing my religion-R.E.M.
I got news Saturday night an old friend of mine died with her husband in a car accident. She was a part of my group of friends and I was really close with her in 4th grade I remember always wanting to play soccer with her. She will always be missed their 2 daughters were not in the vehicle thank goodness it is however sad they lost their mom and dad in such a tragic way.
So me and Eddie had a combined early birthday party at fast lanes. His birthday is on Wednesday and mine is on Sunday. Needless to say I had a blast! Why don't we start with the laser tag boys versus girls game?
Me,Becky,and Vanessa were on a team while Eddie,Jesse,and Leroy were on a team. I warned everyone I sucked at laser tag and I hadn't played it since 2007. We start out getting on our pirate ships the whole time during the game we just shot our guns at the guys furiously while we felt ourselves getting shot numerous times trying to run. I was constantly with one of the girls I never went off on my own. First I started off with Becky then I decided to team up with Vanessa we lost Becky. Me and Vanessa went up the stairs trying to hide from the guys we could hear Becky screaming because she was cornered and we could hear Eddie saying "Come on guys I got one down here." We were constantly cornered by the guys. Guys are just good at hiding out I guess. The final score was Guys: 3,000 and something points girls:0 lol yeah awful.
Go karts was fun. Nothing really big there just the typical going full speed around the whole course drifting around corners.
The vault is a game where you act like you are in a vault with laser alarms. That game is fun and your friends can watch you trying to get press the hand prints on the wall and get the fake cash stack. I went in and sucked as usual those lasers are hard to avoid.
The ball game I forgot what it was called,but you get into teams and shoot these soft balls at the other team if you want. That was a blast Me,Jerri,and Eddie vs. Becky,Vanessa,and Bobby. Every time I ran out of ammo I would scream balls balls I need more balls or I don't have any balls don't have any balls. Then Bobby started saying he didn't have any balls lol. He would go into the middle to get the ammo and we would all shoot him at one point I shot him in the balls on accident. :P I got hit in the forehead numerous times. That game was great too!
All in all I had so much fun!
This year I've been busy!
In May I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points). In September I ate my brussel sprouts (1 points). In January I helped ballistikgirl across the street (6 points). Last Thursday I donated bone marrow to xbleedinginside in a life-saving procedure (300 points). In August I caught a purse-snatcher who stole nthgxy's purse (30 points).
Overall, I've been nice (329 points). For Christmas I deserve an Easy-Bake Oven!
Just don't be a bitch and everything will be peachy.
- Tags:friends only
- Music:chevelle-send the pain below
So, I'm a little weird I came up with this great idea every day if I don't have much to talk about I will just write one sentence to describe my day at work. I know I'm weird but it would be great and fun. Today's sentence is: I obviously don't know how to do my job even though I've been there for 16 months. I swear I am sick of work they just keep coming up with more damn rules to turn us even more into slaves. I haven't watched this damn video yet,but according to it they make us look like 4 year olds, We are going to have a list of shit to do and log it everytime we complete a task. I am trying to go to optical lab they will start me off at 11.85 an hour in 3 months give me a 75 cent raise then I get another one in a year I don't work 5 days a week only 3 and a half,but I will probably be working 12 hours each day. More money though and less stressful I am tired of these damn ideas next they will make us wear a ball and chain!
Ugh and to top everything off my co-worker Adam gives me the hibbie jibbies he has the hots for me even though he knows my fiance he asked me yesterday if I'd marry him because we'd make a wonderful team then he called me sweetheart there's a lot of other stuff he's done the guy is hot for me sad thing is there are others at work who are too. This guy though he's different hibbie jibbies he comes on strong. lol check back tomorrow for the random work sentence!
In further more wonderful news I got my gaming computer I'm coming back to the gaming nerd world I belong in yesss. As if it wasn't enough I also now have subs and a flat screen monitor so I can drool over Bleach and InuYasha kanketsu-hen. Wooo!!!
yay this is my first entry i'll be updating more
- Music:nothing right now O_O